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Parenting a Teen with an Attitude: A TBRI®-Informed Approach Parenting a teenager can feel like navigating a minefield—especially when your teen seems to have an attitude about everything. Eye rolls, sarcasm, defiance, and emotional outbursts can leave even the most patient parent feeling overwhelmed. But what if we told you that behind that attitude is a need for connection, safety, and understanding? Enter TBRI® (Trust-Based Relational Intervention®)—a trauma-informed, attachment-based approach developed by Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross. While originally designed for children from hard places, TBRI offers powerful tools for parenting any teen, especially those who seem emotionally distant or behaviorally challenging. How Do I Manage My Teen's Attitude? 1. See the Need Behind the Behavior TBRI teaches us to look beyond the behavior and ask: What is my teen trying to communicate? An “attitude” is often a mask for: Fear of rejection A need for control in a chaotic world Unmet sensory or emotional needs A history of trauma or attachment wounds Instead of reacting to the sass or shutdown, pause and ask yourself: What need is going unmet right now? It is our job as parents to help our teen find an appropriate way to meet that need instead. 2. Connect Before You Correct Teens are biologically wired to seek independence, but they still crave connection. TBRI emphasizes the power of connection before correction. This means: Making eye contact Using a calm, respectful tone Offering physical proximity (if welcomed) Validating their feelings before addressing behavior Building trust and connection when things are going well This may sound like: “I can see you’re really frustrated right now. I’m here to help, not to fight.” "I believe you. This is really difficult right now. Let's figure it out together." " I understand how frustrating this is. I am on your team and here to help." When teens feel seen and safe, they’re more likely to open up and cooperate. 3. Empower Their Body and Mind TBRI’s Empowering Principles focus on meeting physical and environmental needs. For teens, this might look like: Ensuring they’re getting enough sleep, nutrition, and movement Helping them regulate their emotions through breathing techniques or sensory tools Creating predictable routines and clear expectations Limiting screen time A teen who’s hungry, overstimulated, or exhausted is far more likely to lash out . Empowering them physically helps reduce emotional dysregulation. 4. Offer Choices and Shared Power Teens often push back because they feel powerless. TBRI encourages giving voice—offering choices and inviting collaboration. Instead of saying, “You need to clean your room now,” try: 💬 “Would you rather clean your room before or after dinner?” This small shift gives your teen a sense of control while still meeting your expectations. Teach your teen how to compromise . Compromising is a big part of life and relationships. If parents are not teaching their teens to do this, they will have to learn it in higher risk environments. This may sound like: Parent: "Hey it's your turn to wash the dishes after dinner" Teen: "Can we compromise? My friends are all FaceTiming right now. Can I do the dishes in an hour?" Parent: "Thanks for asking! Yes, I think we can make that work." Your teen needs to learn what their needs are and have permission to use their voice to express them. As you respect this, trust is built and attitude lowers. 5. Stay Regulated Yourself You can’t co-regulate with your teen if you’re dysregulated yourself. TBRI reminds us that our calm is contagious. Before engaging in a power struggle, take a breath. Step away if needed. Model the regulation you want to see in your teen. If you are having a difficult time with your own regulation, we have therapists in Carmel, Indiana who specialize in helping you with that. Learn more here . 6. Repair and Reconnect Conflict is inevitable—but repair is powerful . After a blow-up, circle back with your teen: 💬 “I’m sorry for raising my voice earlier. I care about you, and I want us to work through things together.” This models accountability and reinforces the safety of your relationship. You cannot expect your teen to repair if you are first not willing to do the same. After a fight, ask yourself: "Are we connected? Has the behavior changed? Are we both content?" Until all three of these questions are a yes, there is more work to do. Final Thoughts Parenting a teen with an attitude isn’t easy—but it’s not impossible. Through the lens of TBRI, we learn that behavior is communication, connection is key, and healing happens in relationship. Your teen doesn’t need a perfect parent—they need a present one. And with TBRI, you have the tools to be just that. Learn more about how Connected Counseling in Carmel, Indiana focuses on using a TBRI lens to counsel teens, parents, and children.

Postpartum Self-Care: A Deeper Dive into Healing, Support, and Mental Wellness The postpartum period is often described as a time of joy and bonding—but for many, it also brings unexpected emotional challenges. Between hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, and the overwhelming responsibility of caring for a newborn, it's no surprise that many new mothers experience postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum anxiety (PPA). Self-care during this time isn’t just about bubble baths and quiet moments (though those help!). It’s about creating a foundation for mental, emotional, and physical recovery. Let’s explore why postpartum self-care is essential and how to support yourself through depression and anxiety. Why Postpartum Self-Care Is Crucial Your body is healing from one of the most intense physical experiences it can go through. Your mind is adjusting to a new identity, new responsibilities, and new routines. Your emotions are heightened, and you may feel isolated, overwhelmed, or disconnected. Your baby needs you, but you need you too . Understanding Postpartum Depression and Anxiety Postpartum Depression (PPD) PPD affects about 1 in 7 women and can include: Persistent sadness or emptiness Loss of interest in activities Difficulty bonding with your baby Feelings of worthlessness or guilt Changes in appetite or sleep Thoughts of self-harm or hopelessness Postpartum Anxiety (PPA) PPA is less talked about but just as common. Symptoms include: Constant worry or fear Racing thoughts Panic attacks Physical symptoms like heart palpitations or nausea Obsessive thoughts about your baby’s safety Self-Care Tips for Managing Depression and Anxiety 🧠 Mental Health Support Talk to a professional: A therapist specializing in postpartum care can help you process emotions and develop coping strategies. Interested in learning more? Learn how Connected Counseling can help you honor your experience and help you grow through it. Consider medication: If recommended by your doctor, antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications can be safe and effective—even while breastfeeding. Join a support group: Connecting with others who understand your experience can reduce feelings of isolation. 🧘‍♀️ Emotional Wellness Practice mindfulness: Apps like Headspace or Insight Timer offer short meditations tailored for new moms. Journal your thoughts: Writing down your feelings can help you identify patterns and release emotional tension. Set realistic expectations: You don’t have to be perfect. Focus on small wins and give yourself grace. Check in with yourself consistently: Instead of waiting until you are at a level 10 distress, create space at a level 5. You will thank yourself later that you did! 🛌 Physical Care Prioritize sleep: Sleep deprivation worsens anxiety and depression. Nap when you can, and consider night shifts with your partner. Eat nourishing foods: Omega-3s, antioxidants, and leafy greens support brain health and mood regulation. Move your body gently: Walking, stretching, or postnatal yoga can boost endorphins and reduce stress. Get outside: Sunlight and nature take you outside of your head and into beauty. The vitamin D doesn't hurt either! 💬 Social Support Ask for help: Whether it’s meals, laundry, or watching the baby while you shower—lean on your village. Limit social media: Comparison can fuel anxiety. Curate your feed to include uplifting, honest voices. Stay connected: Even short texts or voice notes to friends can help you feel less alone. When to Seek Help If you experience any of the following, reach out to a healthcare provider immediately: Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby Inability to care for yourself or your child Panic attacks or severe anxiety that interferes with daily life Persistent sadness lasting more than two weeks You are not alone, and help is available. Postpartum mental health challenges are common, treatable, and nothing to be ashamed of. If this is an emergency, locate the nearest hospital. In Carmel, IN we recommend St. Vincent Stress Center for intensive care. We recommend seeking help prior to it being an emergency, however. If you are not sure if therapy would be helpful for you, you can schedule a 15-minute free consultation to see if it is a good fit. Final Thoughts Postpartum self-care is about survival, healing, and empowerment. It’s not selfish—it’s essential . By caring for your mental and emotional health, you’re not only nurturing yourself but also creating a more stable, loving environment for your baby. You deserve support, rest, and compassion. Let this be your reminder: you matter, too.

How to Say No When You’ve Been Conditioned to Say Yes If you’ve ever found yourself saying “yes” when every fiber of your being wanted to say “no,” you’re not alone. Many of us are conditioned—by upbringing, culture, or past experiences—to prioritize others’ needs over our own. Saying “no” can feel like a betrayal, a confrontation, or even a failure. But learning to say “no” is not just a skill—it’s a form of self-respect . Why Saying No Feels So Hard People who struggle to say no often: Fear disappointing others Worry about conflict or rejection Tie their self-worth to being helpful or agreeable Were raised in environments where boundaries weren’t respected Were told saying no is selfish. They believe they need to sacrifice themselves for others in all situations This conditioning can lead to burnout, resentment, and a loss of identity. But the good news? You can unlearn it . Reframing the Narrative Saying “no” doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you self-aware. It means you’re honoring your time, energy, and values. Here’s how to start shifting your mindset: No is a complete sentence. You don’t owe anyone a justification. Boundaries are bridges, not walls. They help build healthier relationships. You’re not responsible for others’ reactions. You’re responsible for your delivery. You can still choose to sacrifice your time or energy by saying yes, but it should be a choice, not an expectation. Practical Ways to Say No Here are some gentle yet firm ways to decline without guilt: The Direct No “No, I’m not able to do that right now.” The Delayed Response “Let me think about it and get back to you.” (This gives you space to decide.) Make sure you do get back to this person to continue a healthy relationship with them. The Redirect “I can’t help with that, but maybe [someone else] can.” The Values-Based No “I’m focusing on [personal goal or priority] right now, so I need to pass.” The Compassionate No “I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I have to say no.” The Prior Commitment No "I would love to but I have a prior commitment. Thanks for thinking of me!" Building Your “No” Muscle Like any skill, saying no gets easier with practice. Start small: Say no to minor requests that don’t align with your priorities. Role-play scenarios with a trusted friend or therapist. Journal about times you said yes when you wanted to say no—and how you’d handle it differently now. Reflect on the reasons behind your yes. Talk with a therapist about where these may come from and how to break this pattern.  Final Thoughts You don’t have to be everything to everyone. Saying no is an act of courage, clarity, and care—for yourself and others. When you say no to what drains you, you say yes to what truly matters. Are you ready to start being comfortable saying no? Our therapists at Connected Counseling in Carmel, Indiana are ready to help you reflect on where this comes from and how you can move forward with healthy boundaries. Reach out to us today!

Coping with OCD as a New Mom: Finding Strength in the Chaos Becoming a mother is a life-altering experience filled with love, joy, and—let’s be honest—a fair amount of stress. For new moms living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), the postpartum period can be especially challenging. The intrusive thoughts, compulsions, and heightened anxiety that characterize OCD can feel overwhelming when paired with the demands of caring for a newborn. But here’s the truth: you are not alone, and you can navigate this journey with strength and grace. Here are some compassionate, practical strategies to help you cope with OCD as a new mom. 1. Acknowledge Your Experience Without Judgment OCD often grows in secrecy and shame. The first step toward healing is acknowledging your thoughts and feelings without judging yourself. Intrusive thoughts do not reflect your character or intentions—they are symptoms of OCD, not truths about who you are. 💬 “I’m having a thought, but that doesn’t mean I’ll act on it. It’s my OCD talking.” 2. Build a Support System Motherhood can feel isolating, especially when you're dealing with mental health challenges. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups. Connecting with others who understand what you're going through can be incredibly validating. Consider joining online communities for moms with OCD. Talk to your partner about what you’re experiencing. Ask for help with daily tasks when you need it—there’s no shame in that. Tell on yourself when you are struggling! 3. Seek Professional Help Therapy can be a lifeline. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), especially Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), is considered the gold standard for treating OCD. A therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health can tailor treatment to your unique needs as a new mom. Learn more about how Kelly at Connected Counseling in Carmel, Indiana can help! She is trained in ERP and CBT and loves working with postpartum anxiety. 4. Create Gentle Routines OCD often craves control, and motherhood is anything but predictable. Establishing small, flexible routines can help soothe your anxiety without feeding compulsions. Set a calming bedtime ritual for you and your baby. Use checklists to manage tasks without obsessing over them. Practice mindfulness during feeding or diaper changes. Set up consistent times with other moms to remember you are not alone in this struggle. 5. Practice Self-Compassion You’re doing your best—and that’s enough. Motherhood is messy, and perfection is a myth. Be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. 💬 “I’m allowed to struggle. I’m still a good mom.” If these negative thoughts keep intruding, EMDR may also be a good fit for you. Learn more here ! 6. Monitor Your Mental Health Postpartum OCD is real and often misunderstood. If your symptoms intensify or interfere with your ability to care for yourself or your baby, reach out to a healthcare provider. Medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes can make a big difference. Set up times with friends to get out of "mom" mode and back into being you! Use the time your baby is sleeping for you to unwind and calm your mind. (I know you want to clean, but others can help you with that).  7. Celebrate Small Wins Every day you show up for your baby is a victory. Celebrate the moments when you resist a compulsion, ask for help, or simply take a deep breath. These small wins build resilience and remind you of your strength. Final Thoughts Coping with OCD as a new mom is not easy—but it is possible. You are not broken. You are not alone. You are a mother doing her best, and that is something to be proud of.

What is ERP?: The Gold Standard for Treating OCD Living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can feel like being trapped in a loop of intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. But there’s hope—and it comes in the form of a powerful, evidence-based therapy called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). What Is ERP? ERP is a specialized form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) designed specifically to treat OCD. It works by helping individuals confront their fears (exposure) and resist the urge to perform compulsions (response prevention). Over time, this process retrains the brain to stop interpreting these fears as threats. I know this sounds scary, but stick with me! We have therapists that are trained in guiding you through this process step by step. Learn more here . The Two Core Components: Exposure: Facing the thoughts, images, or situations that trigger anxiety. Response Prevention: Avoiding the rituals or behaviors typically used to reduce that anxiety. How ERP Helps People with OCD ERP is effective because it targets the root of OCD: the cycle of obsession and compulsion. Here’s how it helps: Breaks the OCD cycle: By resisting compulsions, the brain learns that feared outcomes are unlikely or manageable. Reduces anxiety: Repeated exposure without rituals leads to habituation—where anxiety naturally decreases. Builds tolerance to uncertainty: ERP teaches that uncertainty is not dangerous and can be lived with. Improves quality of life: Less time spent on compulsions means more time for relationships, work, and joy. What ERP Therapy Looks Like ERP is typically done with a trained therapist and involves: Creating an exposure hierarchy: Listing feared situations from least to most distressing. Gradual exposure exercises: Facing fears step-by-step, such as touching a doorknob without washing hands or writing down intrusive thoughts. Coaching through response prevention: Learning to sit with discomfort without performing rituals or seeking reassurance. Who Can Benefit? ERP is effective for many OCD subtypes, including: Contamination OCD Harm OCD Checking OCD Relationship OCD Religious/moral obsessions (scrupulosity) “Pure O” (obsessive thoughts without visible compulsions) Most people begin to see improvement within 12–20 sessions, and some notice changes even sooner. Final Thoughts ERP isn’t easy—it asks you to face your fears head-on. But with the right support, it can be life-changing. If you or someone you love is struggling with OCD, consider reaching out to a therapist trained in ERP. You don’t have to fight OCD alone. Don't wait! Reach out today! Connected Counseling , located in Carmel, Indiana has therapists who specialize in ERP and are ready to help!

Child Development & Trauma: A Guide for Parents Infancy (0–12 months) What to Expect: Babies begin to bond with caregivers They explore the world through touch and sound They start to sit, crawl, and babble How Trauma Can Affect This Stage: Trouble forming secure attachments Excessive crying or withdrawal Delays in physical or emotional milestones How Parents Can Help: Offer consistent comfort and affection Create a calm, predictable environment Respond to baby’s cues with warmth Toddlerhood (1–3 years) What to Expect: Toddlers start walking, talking, and asserting independence They may say “no” often and test boundaries How Trauma Can Affect This Stage: Regression (e.g., loss of speech or toilet skills) Increased tantrums or fearfulness Difficulty separating from caregivers How Parents Can Help: Be patient and reassuring Stick to routines for security Use gentle discipline and lots of praise Preschool Age (3–6 years) What to Expect: Children play imaginatively and make friends They ask lots of questions and express emotions How Trauma Can Affect This Stage: Nightmares or sleep issues Aggressive or withdrawn behavior Trouble focusing or following rules How Parents Can Help: Talk about feelings in simple terms Encourage play and creativity Provide a balance of nurture and structure (learn more about how to implement this with Lindsey !) School Age (6–12 years) What to Expect: Kids develop friendships and learn new skills They begin to understand rules and responsibilities How Trauma Can Affect This Stage: Drop in school performance Physical complaints (e.g., headaches, stomachaches, frequent sickness) Low self-esteem or social withdrawal How Parents Can Help: Stay involved in school and social life Validate their feelings and listen actively Seek support if behavior changes significantly and is affecting school and social life Teen Years (12–18 years) What to Expect: Teens explore identity and independence They may experience mood swings and strong emotions How Trauma Can Affect This Stage: Risky behaviors or self-harm Anxiety, depression, or isolation Difficulty trusting others How Parents Can Help: Keep communication open and nonjudgmental Respect their need for privacy while staying connected Encourage healthy coping strategies and seek professional help if needed (check out how Kelly can help!) 💡 Final Tips for Parents: Trauma isn’t always obvious. Big changes (like divorce, loss, or illness) can deeply affect children. Your support matters. A loving, stable relationship with a caregiver is one of the strongest protective factors. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Therapists, counselors, and pediatricians can guide you through tough times. Here at Connected Counseling (located in Carmel, IN), we pride ourselves in helping parents connect to the heart of their children. Whichever stage of development they are in, we have guidance and support for you. Reach out to learn more!

Easing Back-to-School Anxiety: A Parent’s Guide for Every Age Group As summer winds down and the school year approaches, many children experience a mix of excitement and anxiety. Whether it's the fear of the unknown, academic pressure, or social concerns, back-to-school jitters are common—and manageable. Here's how parents can support their children at every stage of their educational journey. 🌟 Elementary School: Building Comfort and Confidence Common Anxieties: Separation from parents Fear of new environments or routines Worries about making friends How Parents Can Help: Establish a Routine Early: Start waking up and going to bed at school-time hours a week before school starts. Talk About Feelings: Use books or stories to help children express their emotions. Validate their worries, while giving them confidence they can handle them. Create a Goodbye Ritual: A special handshake or phrase can make morning drop-offs smoother. You can also try giving a transition object like a bracelet, draw a heart on their hand, etc. to help them know you are still with them. Encourage Social Connections: Arrange playdates with classmates to build familiarity. Pro Tip: Kids feel your anxiety. Try regulating your emotions as parents before they leave for the day. If you show you have confidence in them, they will be able to have it too! How Connected Counseling can help: We have therapists who specialize in separation anxiety and can coach parents and give children the tools to increase their confidence to be able to handle this difficult transition. Learn more about getting started here. 🎒 Middle School: Navigating Change and Identity Common Anxieties: Academic pressure and changing schedules Social dynamics and peer acceptance Physical and emotional changes How Parents Can Help: Normalize the Transition: Talk openly about how middle school is different and reassure them that it's okay to feel nervous. Teach Organizational Skills: Help them use planners, folders, and checklists to manage multiple classes. Monitor Social Media Use: Encourage healthy online habits and open communication about digital interactions. Just because their peers are using Social Media to find their identity, does not mean you have to allow your child to do the same. Set healthy, yet appropriate boundaries. Support Independence: Let them make small decisions to build confidence and autonomy. Where do they thrive? Give them more opportunities to engage in these activities. Stay Involved: Attend school events and stay in touch with teachers, but give space for growth. Pro Tip: Encourage journaling or creative outlets to help them process emotions and build self-awareness. How Connected Counseling can help: We have therapists who specialize in perfectionism, identity issues, and other life transitions. You can check out how they can give your child the support they need to thrive, not just survive this year here . 🎓 High School: Preparing for the Future Common Anxieties: Academic performance and college prep Social pressures and identity exploration Balancing responsibilities and time management How Parents Can Help: Set Realistic Expectations: Focus on effort and growth rather than perfection. Celebrate small wins. Talk About Goals: Discuss future plans in a supportive way—college, careers, or other paths. Promote Healthy Coping Strategies: Encourage exercise, hobbies, and downtime to manage stress. Be a Safe Space: Keep communication open and judgment-free. Listen more than you advise. They most often just want to be heard. Watch for Warning Signs: Be alert to changes in mood, sleep, or behavior that may signal deeper anxiety or depression. Pro Tip: Help them build a support network—teachers, counselors, mentors, and friends they can turn to. How Connected Counseling can help: We have therapists in Carmel, Indiana who specialize in perfectionism, social anxiety, and life transitions that can help you and your child manage this challenging time in life. Check them out here . 💬 Final Thoughts Back-to-school anxiety is natural, but with empathy, preparation, and open communication, parents can help their children feel empowered and ready to thrive. Every age brings its own challenges—and opportunities for growth. Your support makes all the difference. If you are a parent and are also struggling during this time, we are here to support you as well! Let us help you manage this transition well. Find out more on how to get this help today!

Helping Your Teen Navigate OCD: A Parent’s Guide to Support and Understanding Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can be a confusing and overwhelming experience—not just for teens, but for their families too. As a parent, watching your child struggle with intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors can be heartbreaking. But your support can make a world of difference. This guide offers practical, compassionate strategies to help you understand OCD and support your teen through their journey toward healing. Understanding OCD in Teens OCD is more than a desire for cleanliness or order. It’s a mental health condition characterized by obsessions (unwanted, distressing thoughts) and compulsions (repetitive behaviors meant to reduce anxiety). For teens, OCD often interferes with school, friendships, and self-esteem—especially during a time of life already filled with emotional and social challenges Common signs include: Excessive handwashing or cleaning Repeated checking (e.g., locks, homework) Mental rituals like counting or praying Avoidance of certain places or situations Constant need for reassurance What Parents Can Do (and Avoid) ✅ Do’s Educate Yourself: Learn about OCD through reputable sources like the International OCD Foundation or books like Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Validate Their Experience: Let your teen know their thoughts and behaviors are part of a treatable condition—not a personal failing. Encourage Therapy: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), especially Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), is the gold standard treatment. Learn more about these treatments here. Celebrate Small Wins: Praise your teen for resisting compulsions or opening up about their struggles. Create a Safe Space: Be a non-judgmental listener. Your teen may feel embarrassed or ashamed—your calm presence helps them feel supported. ❌ Don’ts Don’t Argue with OCD: Trying to reason with OCD thoughts often backfires. Instead, help your teen recognize OCD as a “bully” they can learn to stand up to. Don’t Enable Rituals: Participating in compulsions or offering constant reassurance reinforces OCD’s grip. Don’t Punish or Shame: Your teen isn’t choosing these behaviors. Compassion is key. Don’t Force Disclosure: Respect their privacy. If they’re not ready to talk, offer to help them find a therapist they trust. Navigating Challenges Together Teens may resist treatment, feel angry when rituals are interrupted, or hide symptoms out of shame. These reactions are often driven by fear and anxiety—not defiance. Your role is to stay steady, supportive, and informed. If your teen is struggling with depression, substance use, or bullying alongside OCD, seek professional help immediately. These issues can compound OCD and require specialized care. Finding Hope OCD is treatable. With the right combination of therapy, medication (like SSRIs), and family support, teens can learn to manage their symptoms and thrive. Your involvement—when guided by empathy and evidence-based strategies—can be a powerful force for healing. Remember: you’re not alone. Support groups, therapists, and educational resources are available to help you and your teen navigate this journey. If you are looking for additional support, check out our therapist in Carmel, IN who specializes in working with OCD with teens. Sources: https://drlilliankaner.com/ocd-education/ocd-in-teens  https://psychcentral.com/ocd/supporting-your-teenager-with-ocd https://www.turningpointpsychology.ca/blog/children-with-ocd-guidelines-for-parents https://www.verywellmind.com/how-do-i-cope-with-a-teenager-with-ocd-2510570

Understanding Attachment: A Guide for Women Ages 20–50 and How Therapy Can Help